5 Simple Ways to Become a Purposeful Single
Single is no longer a lack of options — but a choice. A choice to refuse to let your life be defined by your relationship status but to live every day Happily and let your Ever After work itself out.
Mandy Hale, The Single Woman: Life, Love, and a Dash of Sass
Is it really possible to be happy while being single?
Have you ever dreamt of living a fulfilled life even though you are single?
Have you ever wanted to make a bigger difference?
Is it possible to become a purposeful single?
Over the years, I have asked myself these questions many times. It took me a while to realize that it is absolutely possible to be happy and live a fulfilled life — all while being single.
There Is Even More!
God can even use me in much bigger ways than I thought. I just need to let Him do it. Are you ready to discover how to become a purposeful single?
1. As a Purposeful Single, Make Jesus Your Priority
It’s so tempting to put all your energy into finding “the one.” You may feel lonely. Likewise, you may wish to share your life with someone dear to your heart. Be assured, this desire is very normal. But in this process, you can easily lose sight of what is most important.
Don’t try to fill the void you are feeling, but fix your eyes on Jesus instead. He is with you on this journey. By making Jesus your priority instead of concentrating your energy to find your spouse as soon as possible, you will enter into a much greater dimension of life — a dimension of abundant blessing.
All you who fear God, how blessed you are! how happily you walk on his smooth straight road!
Psalm 128:1 (MSG)
If you make Jesus your priority, guess what will be happening. You will become more like Him. The more time you spend with Him, the more you will even emulate His actions and take up His work. Jesus will show you exactly how true love looks. Make it a priority to get to know Him better by regularly spending time in His presence. Jesus promises you that you will do great things if you abide in Him:
I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing.
Notice the word “much.” When you are connected to Him, you will leave behind your ordinary life — which was constantly in survival mode. As a result, you will live a life that is full. You will bear much fruit.
2. Give Thanks
If you have been single for a while, there is a chance that you have complained. I have had moments when I have experienced a lot of frustration because I had not yet found my wife. In addition, I stopped seeing many of the good things I actually had in my life. And I entered into a complaining mode: “It’s not fair that I am still single! Look, Jesus, I have served all these years faithfully. I have regularly attended Sunday services. And nothing happens! I have sought your kingdom first, but I am still alone!”
It’s not fair!
Does this sound familiar?
Likewise, the apostle Paul had many reasons to complain. He was single and totally committed to move forward with his dream project. He wrote: we are afflicted in every way, perplexed, persecuted and struck down (2 Corinthians 4:8-9). Because of his dream to plant churches, Paul spent many years of his life in prison.
He could have said, ”It is not fair! I am fed up with this hardship. I give everything I have, and the only reward I get is more pain!” Considering his context, his answer is intriguing:
Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.
1 Thessalonians 5:18
All circumstances include those dark times when you feel lonely. Give thanks. Paul adopted a lifestyle in which he would always give thanks to God the Father for everything (Ephesians 5:20).
One night when in prison with his companion Silas, they started to sing hymns. Instead of complaining about how badly the Philippians treated them, they gave thanks to God. Their perspectives changed completely, and miracles happened that very night in prison. The earth shook, the prison gates sprung wide open and finally, the prison guard and his family accepted Jesus. And this was all due to a decision to give thanks.
When You Give Thanks, Your Perspective Will Change
Did Paul’s circumstances change? No. What changed was his perspective. You may say that you are single, but you are not alone. This new perspective gives you hope. Paul was still confident.
We are hard pressed on every side, BUT not crushed; perplexed, BUT not in despair; persecuted, BUT not abandoned; struck down, BUT not destroyed.
2 Corinthians 4:8-9
Paul did not deny his circumstances. What he did was say I am this, BUT I have hope. BUT I do see the Lord at work. BUT I am not alone.
Become a Purposeful Single
Do you want to discover the next 3 ways to become a purposeful single? Read more: 5 Ways to Become a Purposeful Single – Part II. What have you discovered when making Jesus your priority and when you give thanks? We are looking forward to hearing about your experiences! Please share them by leaving a comment here below.
This heartfelt book helps you make the shift from the impatience and anxiety that comes from waiting for Mr. or Mrs. Right, to living a life filled with purpose and passion. You’ll discover how to find your purpose as a single.
about:blankChange block type or styleChange alignmentAdd titleSingle? How to Reject Loneliness and Trigger Happiness
Here’s how I moved from a state of survival to being happy and fulfilled, as a single.
Are you feeling lonely as a single? I have felt lonely and I’d guess you have too. The question is how to reject loneliness and trigger happiness as a single.
One day, a grandfather was telling his grandson a compelling story about two wolves. He looks into the eyes of the small boy and says:
There are two wolves inside of us which are always at battle.
One is a good wolf which represents things like kindness, bravery, and love. The other is a bad wolf, which represents things like greed, hatred, and fear.
The grandson stops and thinks about it for a second, then he looks up at his grandfather and says, “Grandfather, which one wins?”
The grandfather quietly replies, “The one you feed.”
Being single is not easy. Correct? Have you been wondering, “how in the world am I going to manage to be a happy single?” I have discovered, reading the wolves story, that I must fight to feed the good wolf if I want to overcome my feelings of loneliness.
“How can I overcome this overwhelming challenge of being single and lonely?” I have wondered countless times.
Many single men and women told me: “I’m feeling so lonely!” It seems to be a general issue. I have experienced it — as if I’ve been the last Mohican. All by myself.
Once my good friends started dating, their desire to hang out and do activities with other friends dwindled.
Does it sound familiar to you?
How are you overcoming the frustrations linked to it?
In this article, I want to show you why singleness does not equal loneliness. And how I moved from a state of survival and struggling — or feeding my bad wolf representing loneliness — to a fulfilled and happy life. I did not need any magical formula. Neither did I my perfect match somehow show up.
What I did is within your reach too — right now.
Do you want to discover how to live a life of kindness, bravery, love, and happiness? Here’s how I feed the good wolf.
1. I Amplify My Positive Experiences
In this process, I realized that there are great things and challenging things no matter the season I’m in. What I discovered — when the going gets tough — is that I focus too much on my circumstances.
Can I change them? Not at all. It’s a waste of energy to try.
The key is to focus less on the unchangeable — my circumstances — and to focus more one the changeable. Or in other words, I had to learn to focus on what I can influence. It’s quite simple. I can change my focus. And that’s why I had to develop the habit to feed the good wolf.
Now here’s the challenge. Let go for one second the things you feel you’re lacking.
Is there anything you enjoy? What makes you grateful?
If you wish, get out your notebook and write down the various points. If you’ve done it, how does it feel? Did you notice any change?
You may say, well, that’s self-help or positive thinking. That’s not working. I agree that positive thinking will not help me to overcome my struggles. But I realized that I feel better when I focus on the good things in my life.
Focusing on what is going well is the starting point. What I’m focusing on becomes bigger in life. In other words, the wolf I’m feeding gets stronger.
2. I’m Grateful and Thus Happier
“Don’t wait for a great life to be grateful. Be grateful, and you’ll have a great life.” — Jim Kwik
Once I developed the habit of amplifying my positive experiences, I laid the foundation for what comes next.
It’s simple to say, but a little challenging to put in place. I choose to be grateful. To my surprise, I noticed that the more I focused on what I was thankful for, the more I became happy.
My conclusion was that I needed to learn to enjoy each part of my life. It was — and still is — a challenge to stop thinking that once I’m in a relationship, everything will be better. There will be other issues coming, and once I’m married, I might even believe that it was so much better when I was single.
Like Jim Kwik, I learned to be grateful for what I have right now and that I can experience true happiness at any stage of my life. Also, in my singleness. No matter whether the season lasts a few weeks or many years.
In his book, Millionaire Success Habits, Dean Graziosi writes, ‘make the present your friend.’ At times, I think that once I get or achieve certain things in life, I’ll become happy.
Happiness does not depend on circumstances. It’s a choice.
Like me, choose to be grateful for what you have — in this very moment.
Decide to be happy now.
3. I Live for Something Greater Than Myself
I want to reach my full potential, to live my very best, serve others, and give all I have to create a legacy.
On this journey of purpose higher than myself, I found two advantages.
First, I took my eyes off of the things I was lacking. A key to live a fulfilled life is — as the root of this very word tells — to fill my life with something else.
Instead of looking for a girlfriend, I started the project that I had always wanted to do. My friends encouraged me, saying: “Go for it because it might be the ride of your life!”
As a single, I have so much time at my disposal. And I take advantage of it, traveling, starting my business, writing the book I’ve been dreaming of, rallying people around the cause I’m fighting for, and studying.
I’m thinking less about my solitude and more about the things that get me pumped up.
Furthermore, by living for a more significant cause, I meet new people. It also helps me to expand my network.
For instance, since my decision to leave the corporate world to take over the strategic leadership of an education program in Cambodia, I have had countless opportunities to meet people that I would have never met if I had stayed at my company.
Hence, I think less about my singleness because I use my time and energy to focus on this exciting project, and as a bonus, I get to meet a lot of new people.
4. I See Challenges as an Opportunity to Grow
Yes, I agree it’s not always easy as a single. Often, I’ve thought there was an easy way out, and someday, the day with no suffering anymore would arrive.
If you believe that, I have to disappoint you. That’s not going to happen.
In fact, I had to learn to cope with challenges, and the chances are that you must too. I will always have unsatisfied needs — as a single or when I get married.
Today’s world is one of instant gratification. My peers are influencing me, and I‘ve caught me many times wanting a quick fix right now. One click on the web, downloading another app, or getting a dopamine high, browsing through my social media feed.
Relationships require hard work and patience. A quick fix is not available.
My vision changed once I realized that. I understood that my high expectations needed revision.
I learned to endure challenging times as a single since it will prepare me for my next stage in life. My experiences will make me a better husband. Why? I endured hardships, and thus I’m equipped for similar times in my marriage.
After all, my experiences give me a critical competitive advantage in other areas of my life also, including my studies and my job as I learned to endure challenging things.
There is good news for a single like you and me. I managed to move from a state of survival in which I was feeling lonely and depressed to being happy and fulfilled — and you can do so too!
As a single, you can thrive, you can move the mountains, you can use that time to make a fantastic difference. Keep feeding the good wolf. The one that allows you to live a life of kindness, bravery, and love. And yes, you can be a happy single. All it takes is a decision.
Being happy as a single has little to do with my circumstances, it’s a choice.
The choice is up to you!
My heartfelt book helps you make the shift from the impatience and anxiety that comes from waiting for Mr. or Mrs. Right, to living a life filled with purpose and passion.